20th Dec 2017
This morning I woke up at 438am even though I slept at 1130pm. After some stretching and mobility exercises, I tried to get some productive writing done but my thoughts seemed to be all over the place.
Like they were darting from one thought to another and not really settling down on one where I could really focus and concentrate.
Since I wasn’t making much progress, I decided to sit down and try to slow my thoughts down by journaling instead.
This helped to some extent and I finally made some progress but then felt tired and decided to catch up on sleep.
It was around 6am when I went back to bed but for some reason, I was still wide awake!
That was the last straw. It was time to pray.
Somehow these days, when I’ve got nothing to think about or do, I find myself automatically starting to pray. Usually it’s starts with a silent, “intellectual” prayer. The kind where you think about what to say to God like giving thanks, asking for forgiveness, praying for others and finally for your own petitions.
What do you say after that? When you’ve got nothing else to say to God?
I guess most of us end our prayers there. Some of us might also say the Lord’s Prayer, a Hail Mary and a Glory Be to conclude.
Well, if you can’t fall asleep and still have a lot of time on your hands, you might start day dreaming or worrying about the thing that weighs most heavily on your minds. A future partner? Finding a job? A homework assignment?
I used to do that.
These days though, I just continue “praying”. Sort of like a one-sided conversation. I say whatever comes to my mind out loud – it may just be a whisper but it’s important for me to hear myself aloud.
I call this “Stage 2 of Prayer” where you no longer pray with your mind but with your heart.
You don’t think. Just say what comes to your mind. What comes from your heart, into your mind.
It’s like opening up the sealed doors of your heart to the lord. Surrendering all your worries, your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your concerns, your love, grievances, wants, grudges, etc etc.
This can go on for quite some time. Until everything in your heart is empty. And you are just filled with a ‘lightness’ and relief that calms you down. Like the soothing effects of a meditation session.
At the end of this, there is also some bliss, joy and simple contentment that makes you feel like a child again!
I think it is because the good Lord fills your ’empty heart’ with his grace and spirit.
Like filling an empty glass bottle with pure light!
Not sure if it’s a consequence but these days I am filled with such joy and bliss and thanksgiving and praise and rejoicing that that is usually what pours out of my heart to the Lord!
What then? What happens when you’ve got nothing left in your head to pray, nothing left in your heart to pour out to the lord?
I usually lay there, in perfect bliss with a smile on my face and hands still in prayer position and wait.
I wait for the Lord.
For his Holy Spirit.
For his grace.
Somehow, in this state of emptiness, words just come to my mind. And I start to form a prayer-like poem or psalm(?).
It’s like I’m saying a prayer but someone else is forming the phrases for me in my mind. Like my mind is a blank computer or phone screen 📺 and someone else is typing the words out for me.
This is the result of this morning’s “Stage 3 of Prayer“.
Lord, Let Me
Let me be your light
Let me bring your grace
Let me touch their hearts
With your glorious praise
Let me hear your word
Let me see your face
Teach me your plans
Let me feel your grace
Let me surrender all
To your saving grace
Let me see your light
Your mercy’s unending gaze
Let me give your thanks
Let me sing your praise
Let me glorify your name
Throughout all my days
Let me speak your truth
Let me spread your grace
Let me say your word
Let me be your grace